SEXUAL INTELLIGENCE.

There is a great divide in how we think about sexual matters. One side says that it is evil to indulge in carnal pleasures while the other says we were given bodies to enjoy.

The first side says that physical pleasure distracts us from the spiritual life yet Tantra Yoga uses sexual union as a means to obtain spiritual enlightenment.

We have nudity seen as obscene yet everybody knows exactly what a body looks like nude because we all inhabit one.

We are told to protect children. Against what?; knowing what nature gave us? They know what nude is. They don’t care. What we teach them taints their innocence.

Little boys get erections and little girls put their fingers in “there”. Any parent can see that. To say that it is “dirty” is a denial of what naturally happens. Children explore their bodies. Repressing this only leads to mental conflict. The right idea, surely, is to let it happen so they feel comfortable with it. Telling them their natural functions are dirty or wrong, is wrong in itself.

Some people have neglected bodes that are displeasing to see, nude or otherwise; others have bodies that we envy. Chances are if you had to appear nude, you would take more care of your body, not cover your neglect with fabric.

It seems youth holds the mirror. The Aphrodite and Adonis are icons. Yet we can all have great bodies if we take care of them.

Throughout history art has continually represented the human nude of both sexes. It has been exalted as sublime beauty and in another era great art has been disfigured as being sinful. Even cupids’ genitalia have been covered for reasons that escape me. There was even a movement, started as a joke, to clothe animals. Some people actually took it seriously, wanting to put skirts on cows’ udders and pants on bulls. I wonder how they bath themselves.

You can see people at the zoo protect their children from seeing an animal with an erection. Why? It only makes the child more curious. Wouldn’t it be better to say the animal was feeling sexy? Most children have seen dogs “at it”.

Our adult attitudes about sex come from childhood teachings. These precepts are established in our minds before we can think or test for ourselves. They are instilled before we even experience sex. We have an attitude about something before we know what we have an attitude about.

Doesn’t that mean we should re-evaluate our information in light of the new evidence presented by our body and societal changes?

Back in Pompeii sex was a part of life just like sport or the movies are today. The erect penis was revered. The many legal brothels offered men and boys as well as girls and women. English and French Kings openly had concubines. There have been gay Popes. Catherine the Great chose one-night-stands from her palace guards. Women have “toy boys” just as men have “Lolita” women. Movie stars have hidden their sexual natures because of public mood at the time. Evangelists have been “outed” for infidelity and gay sexual liaisons. A prominent actor was caught with a street prostitute giving him oral sex. How many pages do you want me to fill?

Yet in Queen Victoria’s’ reign “a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking”. Women thought it was wrong to even examine their breasts for telltale lumps that could signal cancer. Many died because of a social taboo. Oral sex, however clean, was considered filthy. Women with broad hips, slim hips, long legs, small breasts, large breasts, blonds, brunettes, redheads, tanned skin, white skin, painted or plain etc have all had their place in the desirable basket. Nobody can claim “The Sexiest Woman/Man Alive” title. What a joke.

REALITY is what happens. If you don’t acknowledge it, you get a problem or warped idea of life.

You have to weigh your teachings against what IS; what is actual. To do this we have to look with innocent eyes. Not easy. “You must become as children”.

Twisted sexual outlets come about because of twisted emotional states in childhood and adolescence; this fight between teaching and reality. All of us have sexual urges and needs. Repression causes dysfunction. That’s why child rapists exist. They haven’t learnt to relate maturely and express their emotions. They are still children but in adult bodies.

This is not talking about experimenting. Most people who are not clouded by dogma will experiment. It is talking about those who want to be humiliated or whipped or can only have sex without making love.

It seems obvious why a woman may find a form of pleasure with another woman; the tenderness, patience, understanding. It’s the type of care only an unselfish, experienced man would provide.

With men, the need to submit or feel raw masculinity may be what is needed to balance their psyche. Fatherless male children often go this way.

Prostitution is the oldest profession. Whoever thinks they can rid the world of “harlots, scarlet women, whores” is deluded. In countries where it is legal the girls (and guys) pay taxes, have regular health checks and provide a service. Speak to the better prostitutes and they’ll tell you of the surprisingly high number of men who just want to talk; to bare all in that respect.

Men are the sowers of seed. Most men can have sex and that’s all it is to them, simply having sex. Women think it’s a betrayal of their love. It’s not. Maybe the idea of monogamy came about at a time when there were few women. It was a necessary social convention to ensure enough women for each man. Today it is upheld because we don’t want men to sow their seed. “Go forth and multiply” certainly is not good advice in an overpopulated world.

Pornography is another crazy topic to visit. One person may see a tower or minaret but another may see it as a phallic symbol. Photograph a closed armpit at close range and it looks like the hairless erogenous region between a woman’s legs. Movie makers use shadow to create ‘erotic’ scenes where he may be licking the inside of her thigh but it’s really her upper arm.

The idea that pornography urges a man to rape is false; most of them will masturbate right then. You’ve heard of the ‘pages stuck together’ or found a tape only partly viewed or disc left in the player. It’s because after that release, it’s all over.

For the sake of teenagers’ mental and emotional maturity, do not tell them their urges are wrong. As a teenager, a school friend told me his Mum got him aside one day to ask him something serious. He was worried, nervous and ready for anything except what she said. “John, your father wants to borrow some of your pornos but is too afraid to ask. Could you have a talk to him?”

He was dumbfounded.

She knew! She accepted! She took any guilt away; she opened the way for closer ties with Dad; she treated him as a capable mature individual, and he loved her more than anything.

I’ve never forgotten that couple and the solid base they provided.

Think about your sexual attitudes. Don’t let them master you.

*****

"You cannot be what you are not, but you can become what you are not." Anon.

Jay Ross. iqadult@gmail.com

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