EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

One of the greatest tools you can have is impartial self observation. This means looking at what you do from an outsiders’ point of view and understanding why. Even the lightest application of this, done honestly, is a boon. See why you did that, or want that, or are as you are.

Motive comes into it and you may discover a lot about why you behave in a particular way. There are deep reasons why we act. Some are to get sympathy, some to establish our importance, some to be mothered or be dominated. Seeing these motives is not always easy.

There will be times when you can’t explain your actions. Analyze these as an observer. Use your intellect to look at your emotions. If you can do this impartially you’ll discover so much about yourself. Some of it will hurt but you are doing this to become more complete. Knowing yourself is the keystone to knowing others.

Inside you is that essential “I” that was born. It doesn’t change. That ‘real you’ can see the scars and qualities of what you have responded to over the early years of your life. It watches how you deal with the influences of your environment, successes and failures, parents, friends, or those who harm you.

Don’t blame anyone. People who do harm are simply still lost. They haven’t seen yet.

Once that knowing starts to build, your self respect and respect for others will start to grow. You can’t really know anybody without knowing yourself. “Know Thyself” is one of the oldest teachings.

Your self respect is basic to how you treat others. An angry person, who can’t identify the cause of their anger, and deal with it, treats others with disrespect. Most of the time the person we’re angry with, has done something without malice or even nothing at all. The worker who comes home and lets his anger out on his partner is an example.

Children don’t know. They may wash your laptop in the sink, thinking you’ll be pleased. What can you do? Anger won’t bring it back. Why did the child have access to it? Why was the child alone? Have you backed up your files? It could have been stolen or lost. The result would be the same.

We get bashing of children even leading to death because the child was crying too much or kept making a mess with its food.
Somebody may ‘snap’ over an otherwise casual remark by a partner or fellow worker.
Hospitalization or worse can follow a minor road incident or next doors’ loud TV.
The person who does this has lost control.

Defeating emotional impulses needn’t be long struggle. It just means realizing that you have been influenced by the things you were taught. It’s your job as an adult to clean out the dross that hurts, or is in conflict with what you really feel.

Self observation is part of emotional intelligence. Your IQ is not only a genetic thing. Adaptability and intelligence are linked. Adaptability is learned through self observation.

Intelligence does mean being in control of your body, mind and emotions. You won’t gain control unless you observe how and why you do things.

Being a slave to emotions is not smart. Every time you react instantly, you’re showing a conditioned response. When you start to see this, you’ll see how easy it is for others to use you, or how others won’t go there because they’re afraid of your response.

When you fully realize it, you’ll see others with the same characteristics. You may wonder how they don’t see it too, just like you didn’t.

When you do know; it’s very obvious. I think it was Cary Grant, the actor, who tried an LSD trip under controlled conditions back in the late ‘60s, early ‘70s. He is reported as saying, “Now I know why I hurt every woman I ever loved.”

This is not an endorsement of LSD or similar psychotropic drugs. It was under controlled conditions. The drug helped him see an inner fault/need that drove him.

All of us have these unresolved needs that make us operate in certain ways. Seeing them yourself is sometimes painful but always liberating.

Becoming a complete person is a learning thing; often an un-learning process to rid us of falsehoods we were taught. You’re intellectually and emotionally sound if you can change beliefs when you find them to be wrong. Blindly holding on only leads to more pain.

When we talk about IQ we are only talking about the processes of clear logical thinking. But we are not simply a data base. Decisions are made with the influence of emotions. We should talk about EQ as well.

Your Emotional Quotient takes into account how you take responsibility or let go of responsibility, giving and receiving, ability to lead or follow well, how you dominate or accept dominance or rules.

You’ll only understand all this if you are self aware, observe yourself, be introspective, see why a need is there.

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Wit or Wisdom.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Obstacles always look bigger coming than going.

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If you see someone without a smile today, give them one of yours.
Jay Ross.